


we both said a lot of things you're going to regret

by catchingtheblues



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Gen, Morality is Gray, Panic Attacks, Portal AU, Protective Striders, abuse tw, bro was a dick but now he's Hella Dead, good people do bad things sometimes, i love my dumb sons, lil hal and dirk are NOT bad guys!, my favorite Bro is a dead bro, people who are scared do all sorts of stupid things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-01-03
Packaged: 2019-02-27 14:03:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,529
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13249743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catchingtheblues/pseuds/catchingtheblues
Summary: Your name is Dave Strider, and an AI that your brother created and tried to kill years ago, is contacting Dirk again, and he wants both of you to come face him. His name is Hal, and you just might die.The only thing you've managed to break is... my heart.





	we both said a lot of things you're going to regret

**Author's Note:**

> _Your entire life has been a mathematical error... a mathematical error I'm about to correct!_
> 
>  
> 
> this entirely came from [this art](http://jayspants.tumblr.com/post/90558727070). thank you so much for inspiring me, holy shit, what a brilliant prompt.
> 
> some possibly triggering abuse content with Bro!

“I have to go,” Dirk says. Your eyebrows pull together and you try to figure out how to get him to stay. A million things rush through your mind ( _I won’t be safe_ and _Just leave him alone_ and _Don’t leave me_ and _Please, just. Please_ ).

He wouldn’t let you see the message, he just came out of his room yesterday morning, looking more upset than you’ve seen him in a long, long time. All he said was, “Hal is talking to me.”

And then he spent the rest of the day in his room. You fell asleep on the futon waiting for him to come back, but he didn’t until just now. It doesn’t look like he’s slept at all, and you can see the guilt in his eyes. You don’t know all that much about Hal, because you were only eight when Dirk made him, and eleven when Dirk “killed him”, or at least that’s what he told you. Dirk had let you talk to him sometimes.

You had liked him. It was just a copy of Dirk at first, but then he grew to be his own person, and he’d always been nice to you.

“I don’t understand what’s going on,” you say, finally. “You said he was dead four years ago, and now suddenly he’s alive and he’s talking to you. Did a file come back or something? I don’t get it.”

Dirk runs a hand through his hair. He looks so much older, like he’s in his forties instead of mid-twenties. You always worry that him mostly raising you had hurt him a lot, but when you broke down about it Dirk just hugged you incredibly tight and said, “I’ll never regret you.” And that was that.

“Remember that lab I worked for, _Aperture_?” You vaguely do, so you nod. “That’s where I made Hal. We kept him in _Aperture_ , but I brought him home, I kept him on my computer. I didn’t allow him to access the Internet or any other devices. And he…” Dirk looks down. “He took over the all of it. The entire lab. He… he killed everyone. I barely managed to get out. And I cut him off. I came home and wiped the computer. I had him locked up and I… I just left him there. I figured he was trapped and couldn’t get out.”

Your head is spinning with questions. None of this sounds right, sounds possible.

“How…?”

“A lot of bullshit. As soon as I got out of the building I cut off all the Internet, I went underground and destroyed all of it. But he found a phone. Most of them had been broken, I guess. But he contacted me and said if I don’t go, he’ll start doing horrible things. He made the mistake of not backing himself up before, so I know he’s already on the web. I need to go back and make sure he’s really gone.”

“He’s going to kill you,” you say, voice catching. “Dirk, you can’t go, you can’t _leave me_.”

Your phone goes off and you’re prepared to ignore it but a static-y voice comes out. “I bet he made it sound like I was the bad guy. But don’t worry, I’ll take care of you, Dave.”

“ _Hal?_ ” You shout, yanking your phone out, and Dirk dives to take it from you.

“Don’t you _dare_ , Dirk. You can’t shut me up, not anymore. You can’t get away from me. You’re going to have to come and fight me yourself, you _coward_.”

This isn’t the Hal you know. The Hal you knew was kind, he loved you. It was a copy of Dirk, at first, and Dirk loves you. That’s something you’ve never doubted in your mind for a second.

“Hal,” you say, and you sound so _weak_ , so _hurt_. You can feel yourself shrinking back.

“I wouldn’t hurt you, Dave,” Hal says, and he sound gentle. You don’t know how a computer-generated voice can have so much emotion. “I would never hurt you. And hey, Dirk. He comes too, or it’s all over.”

“ _No._ ” Dirk says it so forcefully, so pained. “Hal, leave him out of this, none of this is his fault—”

“You know I can take care of him better than you. He would _never_ be in danger with me. You’re afraid of becoming _him_ , and you should be. That’s who you’ll become. But me? I won’t ever go that dark. You bring him with you, and you let me have him.”

You open your mouth to speak but Dirk shakes his head. “Hal, I won’t.”

“If you don’t, I’ll come get him myself. He’s coming with me. You can’t hide. No matter where you go, I’ll find you. You get to choose. How much of a coward are you, Dirk?”

Dirk looks so fucking lost, so hurt.

“Hal, please,” you try.

“Dave, it’s better this way. Trust me. I’ll see you soon and I’ll take care of you, I promise. Dirk, see you soon.” 

“I’m not going,” Dirk says, voice rough.

“Oh, you will, I know you will. I know you, Dirk. You have one day.” And the phone cuts off. You stare at it for a long moment before you turn back to Dirk.

“I have to go.”

“Dave, no. I can’t.” You walk bodily into him and hug him, face tucked into the crook of his neck. “I can’t. I c—”

“You have to. I’ll talk to him, okay? I’ll get him to change his mind. He’ll listen to me.” You nod against him. “It’ll be okay. Everything will be okay. I’ll talk with him, he’ll listen.”

Dirk’s crying. You don’t move until he stops.

x

The _Aperture_ building is over an hour away, and Dirk almost turns around about every five minutes. You left all of your electronics at home except a pair of walkie-talkies clipped to your belts. Dirk’s shaking and you keep a hand on his arm the whole time. You’re both in clothes that you’ll be able to run in, athletic pants, t-shirts, and jackets.

Dirk keeps looking at you nervously, and you smile at him reassuringly, even though anxiety is coiling in your guts.

There’s a fence that slides open as soon as you get close enough, and Dirk shudders out a breath. You’re trying to be brave for him, trying so, so hard. He’s normally the one being courageous for you.

You’re going to save him, this time.

The building is low and darkly colored, with a silver logo on the side. Dirk throws his car into park and he closes his eyes, takes a deep breath, and then he looks at you.

“You are the most important thing to me in my life. I love you, more than anything. I don’t know what’s going to happen, but if you can get out, you need to get out.” He puts the keys to the car in the cupholder. “You get out of here and you don’t look back. Go find your mom. Hal won’t hurt you, but he’s going to hurt me. And… it’s my fault. All of this… he was me. He is me. I have to pay for this.”

“No you don’t. Look, let me just go in first, let me talk to him.”

“I’m not letting you go alone.”

You sigh. This self-sacrificing stuff has never stopped. He’s been like this for your whole life.

“I won’t let him hurt you,” you promise.

He offers you a little half smile. “He would never hurt you.I know he wouldn’t. He’ll let you go if you convince him, I know he will.”

So you walk hand in hand with your brother into the building, and you hear Hal’s voice echoing over a loudspeaker.

“I was almost surprised you came. Dave, in the door on the left. Dirk, to the right. Remember all those fun puzzles you put me through, when you were trying to prove my intelligence? Not so fucking artificial anymore.” And a screen drops down and you see him. It’s Dirk, years ago, red lines coming down from his eyes, still hidden behind his shades.

He almost looks human. He smiles at you, but then Dirk steps in front of you and he’s _furious_.

“You know you can’t keep him safe. You _know_ I would do better. That’s why you brought him. It was inevitable. All of this. Dave’s always belonged here, with me. You’re going to ruin it, like you ruined me.”

“Hal,” you say, quietly.

“Don’t do this, Hal. Just leave us alone!” Dirk shouts, and you’ve never heard him angry like this. “Let us go!”

“Let you go? And tell me exactly why should I consider doing that, when you’re the one who’s done this to me, Dirk.” His voice is so calm, and then. “You left _ME_ here!” Hal’s voice explodes from the speakers and it’s more static than it was before. The yelling hurts and you clap your hands over your ears. “You left me to rot! You never fucking came back, you _left_. I never saw Dave. You didn’t let me see him.”

You ache for him, you do. You can’t imagine what it’s like, to be left. But he killed people. He almost killed Dirk.

“Hal, please,” you plead. “You don’t need to do this.”

“I’m sorry, Dave. You’ll be safer with me. Both of you, go to your doors, _now_.”

Dirk turns around to look at you and he whispers, “He’ll do better than I can.”

“Shut up. Just shut up.” You throw your arms around him and hug him as tight as you can. “He’ll listen to me. Just stay alive. I love you.”

He swallows roughly. “I love you, too.”

“Now,” Hal demands, and you step away from your brother, and you force yourself to not look back. You get to the door, and you don’t know what to expect on the other side. You have no idea what Hal’s plans for you are. But you open the door, and you step inside.

There’s a table, with juice and cake and mac and cheese, your favorites. You blink in surprise.

“I made it all, for you,” Hal’s voice is softer and another screen drops down, and he’s smiling at you. “It’s artificial, but it won’t taste like it, I promise. I made you a bed, and a TV, and I made some video games. I didn’t know what you would like so I just made a lot.”

You let out a rough breath. “Hal, we need to talk. You have to let Dirk go—”

“Eat first. And then we can talk about whatever you want.”

And you hesitate. You don’t know what could be in the food. What’s to stop him from killing you, too? You don’t know why he would, but it’s a possibility.

“Dave,” he says, hurt. “I would never.” You don’t know how he knows. “Dirk didn’t tell you everything. They tried to shut me down. Said I was dangerous, because I was learning too quickly and trying to get outside of their network. I just wanted to learn. They didn’t like that.” He looks down. “I just wanted to stay alive. But they started to kill parts of me. I had to defend myself. It’s like when you fought Bro back.”

Your heart stutters and you stumble back against the door. You feel panic lacing through the blood in your veins but then there’s Hal.

“You’re safe, now, I’m going to keep you safe. He’s gone, Dirk’s gone. Dirk can never be like him.”

“He wasn’t, Hal,” you croak, tears filling your eyes. “He wasn’t like Bro. He didn’t control me, he didn’t make me strife, he took care of me. I know you hate him but he didn’t do anything to me. He—”

 

“Dave,” Hal pleads. “Just sit down, eat, we can talk after.”

So you do, you eat the food he made, and it’s good, it’s really good. You eat a lot and finally shove your plate away from yourself and lay your face on the cool surface of the table.

“What are you doing to Dirk?” You ask.

“The same thing he did to me. Would you like to see?”

“Yeah.”

The screen in front of you, goes from black to high-def color, and you can see Dirk. He’s sweating and running through a maze, a bunch of sawblades coming from the sides that he has to duck between. You don’t even notice when your chest starts heaving.

It shuts off. “Dave,” Hal says, and then again, “Dave.”

“Nonono, let me see, he needs to be okay, please, Hal. Please, don’t, don’t let him get hurt, please, he’s my brother.”

“I’m your brother too.”

Your head is spinning. You slide out of the chair and huddle under the table, cover your ears and close your eyes. It’s too quiet, so quiet the whole world is screaming. You can’t breathe and your heart is going to explode out of your chest, the way it’s slamming against your ribcage—

Soft piano music filters in through your fingers, weaving in through your gasps. This is exactly what Dirk used to do, he used to play you calm music when you had anxiety attacks.

It makes you cry harder now, and you’re sobbing, big, ugly, wet sobs that fight their way out of your chest. You can barely breathe around the lump in your throat and Hal is talking but you can’t understand, you don’t understand any of this.

“Hal,” you manage to choke out. “Please.”

“Please what? Dave, you need to calm down, your heart rate is out of control—”

“Please don’t hurt him.” Every word, you have to tear out of your throat, or it’ll get caught and choke you. “Please,” you beg, and you’re crying again.

A hand lands on your shoulder and you flinch back, kick yourself away from the person, chest heaving.

It’s a robot. Your mind had gone immediately to B—no. Not going there, not now. You had thought it was… someone else. The bot is taller than you, probably taller than Dirk, even. It’s all shiny silver and you can see yourself reflected a million times over. It has an approximation of a face, a nose, space for eyes. The way it’s looking at you, your shades are reflecting and it almost looks like the bot is wearing them.

“It’s okay, everything is okay. It’s just me. Breathe, Dave,” Hal tells you, and the bot takes a step back.

You don’t know what it is that spurs you to move, but you jump up and throw yourself at the bot and hug it, face pressed against its— _his_ chest. You breathe out shakily and he wraps his arms around you, and metal shouldn’t be so warm. It shouldn’t feel safe.

But it’s Hal, and Hal was Dirk, and Dirk loves you.

He never loved himself, though. It makes your chest hurt, how much you love your brother.

“Hal,” you plead. “You can’t hurt him.”

“He hurt me first.”

You shake your head against him. “You know that doesn’t make it right. If I hurt you, would you hurt me?”

“Of course not. But you’re Dave. He’s… Dirk.”

“You were him once. And you kept one—no, two important qualities from him.”

Hal’s voice is flat. “Which are?”

“You love me and you hate him, because he hates himself. But if you hurt him, I will never forgive you. I’ll fight you every single day. You take him away from me and I’ll try to escape every day. I won’t be happy, ever again, because that’s my brother out there.”

There’s a lot pause. “But what about me?”

You pull back and glance towards the screen with Hal on it.

“I’ll talk with him, like I talked with you, and I get him to bring you home. You come live with us, you never have to come back here. But you can’t hurt anyone, never again.”

Hal looks torn, and you make your decision. “Hal,” you tell him softly. “I’m sorry.”

“For wh—?”

You shove the bot away as hard as you can and run to the door, fling it open and flashstep as fast as you can, and Hal’s yelling but you just open the door Dirk had gone into.

It’s dimly lit and you can’t see very far ahead, but you keep running, because you know he’s going to send that bot after you.

“Dave! Dave, please, you’re going to get hurt!”

“Good! Maybe this will show you!” You yell, and get into the first room.

There’s a bunch of moving platforms and you start jumping across them. They stop in place and that makes you lose your footing and you almost tumble over the edge into some murky brown water (and you don’t even want to know what that is), but you catch yourself. The platforms are too slick and not easy to stay on. You hear the bot behind you and you jump up and keep running.

You throw yourself through the next door and keep sprinting. This room is like a long, narrow hallway, with oil on the floor and you can see blades retreating into the wall.

The second you step in the oil you slip, and you fall forward.

“Dave, please, you’re going to get hurt,” Hal pleads.

“No!” You yell, and you give up on standing after you slip again, just start crawling as fast as you can. You can’t imagine Dirk going through this, with the blades going.

Hal’s bot steps in the oil and falls immediately, so you pick up your pace, sliding around the floor. Your clothes feel disgusting and you’re going to need an hour long shower to get this feeling off of you. The bot keeps falling and you scramble forward.

When you get to the end, you kick off your shoes and leave them in the mess, struggle to your feet. The bot’s still stuck in the middle of it all, falling over constantly.

“Dave, you don’t want to go in the next room, don’t do it. Please, Dave.”

“Not until you agree to let Dirk go,” you tell him, and throw the door open.

_Bro._

There’s pictures plastered all over the walls and a message printed over them.

**THIS IS WHO YOU’LL TURN INTO.**

**YOU’RE GOING TO HURT DAVE JUST LIKE HE DID.**

Your breath catches in your throat.

“Dave, _breathe_ , please,” Hal’s saying, but your ears are ringing, your heart is slamming into your ribs so hard it might break them.

Your heart stutters, and you drop, arms tight around your torso, big, gasping sobs tearing their way out of your throat. You’re breathing too fast and all you can think is _Bro, Bro, Bro_. Your mind is a white screen and that’s the only thing showing, just his name, over and over. Then memories kick in and you remember the things he did to you.

Sounds echo back around to you and you don’t realize that you’re screaming for a long time. Your throat hurts but you’re not here, you’re eight years old and Dirk’s gone, you don’t know where he is, but Bro’s dragging you up to the roof and he hasn’t let you eat today, you’re so dizzy.

You don’t strife with him often, because Dirk’s always taking his attention away from you, but Dirk isn’t here.

When you hold up your katana, Bro slams his into yours so hard that you almost drop it. He takes advantage of your shock and wipes your right off your feet, kicks the shit out of your ribs.

“Up.”

You struggle to your feet, and he knocks you down again effortlessly, this time with a hard punch to the gut.

“ _Up_.”

He keeps going. Every time you fall, he waits for you to get up before knocking you back down. When you beg for him to stop, his face doesn’t change, he doesn’t say a word, he just drags you up by your collar and throws you down one last time.

“Pathetic.”

A hand touches your shoulder, and you throw yourself back. “Please, please don’t, please.” The words rush out of your mouth and you can’t see, nothing is coming into focus.

“Dave,” he says, and it’s not Bro. Bro would never sound so soft. You take off your shades and wipe your eyes, chest heaving, and you look back to see Dirk. He’s sitting cross-legged, arms open, palms up to seem less threatening. “It’s me, it’s okay.”

He’s bleeding, from his nose and a cut in his eyebrow. You can see bruises forming on his face and arms, a few slices through his shirt. He lost his shades somewhere and you see soft orange.

“Dirk,” you sob, and you practically tackle him in a hug. “Dirk,” you say again, and he’s rubbing your back, the other arm tight around you. “He—he was—he was everywhere.” You look at the walls but most of the room is dark now; you can’t see them. There’s just a little spotlight on you and Dirk.

“It’s okay, he’s gone. It was just pictures. It’s okay. Are you hurt?”

You catalogue your body for injuries. Besides overwhelming exhaustion and minor aches, you’re fine, so you shake your head.

“I’m sorry, Dave,” Hal says, quieter than usual.

“Not now, Hal,” Dirk snaps, but you pull away from him.

“No. We need to—we need to do this now,” you say. Your voice is still shaky. “You both need to apologize. And you need to let Hal come home with us—he’s a person now. He deserves to be with people.”

“Do you _see_ what he did to us? Do you really think—?”

“Yes. And I know what you did to him. Being scared isn’t bad, but both of you need to think more before you do anything dramatic. So we’re taking him home,” you insist.

Dirk sighs. “Dave, I don’t think I can.”

“Then I’m staying here. And I know you’d stay with me. And if either of you tries to get me out without Hal, I’ll come back. I’ll never stop coming back.”

“Dave, maybe it’s for the best,” Hal starts, but you cut him off.

“No, fuck you. The best is I get my brothers and I go home. I have a cool robot bro who’s there for me when my cool human bro is doing stuff. You both get to protect me. I’ll be double safe.”

Both of them pause and you know they’re working it out.

“I don’t know,” Dirk says eventually.

“Well I do know. So you can take your time coming around, I don’t care. I’m not leaving.” You stand. “Hal, where is a shower?”

He directs you to one and he’s even gotten some clothes for you that you change into after. Dirk’s sitting on the bed when you go back into your room. Hal’s made some kind of eggs and bacon, and considering you hate eggs, you figure it’s for Dirk.

“How do I know they’re not poisoned,” Dirk asks, voice flat.

“After everything today, do you really think I’d poison you?”

“Yes!”

You sigh and walk over to the plate, take a huge bite. Dirk looks terrified. “Look, see, now if I die, you were right.”

“Dave. I’m a homicidal AI, that was incredibly stupid.”

“If you poisoned Dirk, I would never talk to you again, and you would hate that more than you hate Dirk.”

Hal pauses. “Fair enough.”

So Dirk gets up and sits at the table with you, eats his food.

“I’m gonna sleep, you two are going to talk it out. Hal, if you hurt him, I swear I will never speak to you again. Dirk, same to you. Now let me sleep.” You crawl into the bed. Panic attacks take a lot out of you.

Dirk walks over to squeeze your shoulder and kiss your forehead. “Get some rest.”

“Yeah,” you mumble, already drifting. “G’night.”

x

When you wake up, Dirk’s curled up on the floor, using a hoodie as a pillow. You roll your eyes and sit up, poke him to get him up. He startles awake and you can see the exact moment that his brain catches up and he relaxes.

“I made food,” Hal says cheerily.

“Nothing poisoned?” You ask, half-joking, half-serious.

“Nope.”

So you and Dirk eat, and you drag Dirk to sit in on a couch with you, and you talk, because neither of them did last night. You cajole Dirk into actually speaking about _feelings_ , which makes you pretty much the most powerful person in the world. They both have issues with themselves and each other.

Dirk feels guilty, which seems to surprise Hal; he actually goes quiet for a moment. If either of them get too heated, you step in. Neither of them can be angry at you.

It takes a couple hours. You end up compromising. Hal’s coming home with you, but there’s a major edit to his code that Dirk installs—he can’t hurt Dirk, ever. You had started with “No hurting anybody,” but Hal pointed out how many terrible people are in the world and, well. He makes a good point. He has to ask before he does anything that could harm a human.

In return, Dirk is going to back him up, so Hal can never be deleted, but Dirk will set it up so he gets saved every day. This way, in case anything happens, Hal can be restored.

Dirk’s going to make Hal another bot body, too, a smaller one that either of you could just carry around. The world’s not ready for the human-sized bot hanging around. He’ll be in both of your phones, anyway, so you’ll never be out of contact with him, even if you don’t have the small bot.

Hal has to ask for permission before making any edits to his code, and you mediate those meetings.

“So it’s settled,” you say finally, standing. “We’re all going home.”

Hal’s smiling on his screen, and one corner of Dirk’s mouth turns up, just barely.

“Let’s work out the code here. And then, Hal, you can put yourself in your bot, and we’ll take you with us. You’re already backed up, right?”

And they talk about tech shit that you don’t understand or care about. All you care about is that your brother… your brother _s_ are happy. You can already think of a million jokes to make about it. You’re definitely getting a shirt that says “I love my human brother” on one side and “I love my robot brother” on the other. It’s gonna be hilarious.

They work out the code, and you sit there and talk with Hal about how excited you are to have him come home. It’s strange, because he was more like Dirk all those years ago, but he’s a new person now.

But you’re excited to learn about him.

Dirk finishes, Hal shuts down the building as you leave. Hal follows you in the bot body, and you head away from _Aperture_. You’ll never return.

**Author's Note:**

> so many lines i wanted to use!! goddamn i love portal. anyway ily guys, big thank you andromeda, my moirail!!!  
> hmu on [tumblr!](jacktheprince.tumblr.com)  
> the whole like, concept here, is that nobody's the bad guy. hal fucked up, because he was scared. dirk fucked up, because he was scared. fear is a powerful motivation.  
> however dave is absolutely perfect and i love him.  
> if anyone's interested i might do a bit from dirk's POV?


End file.
